November 21, 2009

Generation Gap: Original Dungeons and Dragons

This series of articles will strive to catalog one of my love/hate relationship with a prime aspects of RPGs: random character generation. Those of you who have known me for a long time know that I get like a down-on-his-luck gambling addict in Atlantic City whenever there's a random chart I can roll on. I can't help but find out what would happen if I roll on it. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!

To that end, the notes marked 'Generation Gap' will feature a different system, reviewed almost exclusively on their character generation. To help you understand this experiment, I accept the first roll, whenever possible. If I am allowed to make any of my own decisions, I make them from a purely mechanical perspective, and will explain each choice as we go. At the end, I will try to collect this information into one coherent character, if I can.

I owe it to black book D&D to start this nightmare, though I will admit that a different, more sinister game inspired this odyssey. We'll get to that.

Let's start: Generation Gap, Dungeons & Dragons
First up, we roll our stats, in order. Now, I will do this for all the Generation Gap articles, but D&D insists on it. No rearranging later. 3 six sided dice, giving us a range from 3 to 18, with most scores falling from 9 to 12. We get:
Strength       6     -1 to hit, damage, and opening doors
Intelligence  16     Read and writes, +2 languages
Wisdom        13     +1 magic-based saving throws
Dexterity      4     -2 on “to hit” missile, -2 AC
Constitution   7     -1 HP/Hit Die
Charisma       7     -1 Adjustment Mod, Morale 6 (over 58% run away)

Um, shit. We're dealing with a character who is nearly genius level intelligent, decently composed in common sense, and notably deficient in social skills, physical strength, and health, while significantly compromised in hand-eye coordination/overall grace and agility.

At this point, I can rearrange some points to highlight my "Prime Stat", the important stat for a specific class. As a historical aside, back then there was no race/class combo. All fighters were human, all elves were slightly magical, and all halflings were dirty goddamn little thieves, which is also true in real life. Each class therefore has a specific stat that they prize, and having a low Prime penalizes your Experience Advancement, meaning your character sucks at his job and can't advance quickly. Realism in my "All elves are the same" world simulation. Yay.

To raise it, I can take two points away from some other stat, but not Con or Cha, Dex can't go lower, and no score can be dropped below 9. That means I can raise my Int or Wis by dropping two points from either. So I could get a max of Wisdom 16 by dropping Int to 10. Golly, can I really? sounds awesome, taking the only stats I have bonuses and screwing them for my own benefit. Um, no.

So, I'm gonna take this shitpile and build a Magic-User, since a 16 in Intelligence means I get a 10% XP bonus. I'll get a d4 Hit Die (I can be killed by literally anything in the monster part of the book in basically a single blow with my Con penalty, fun!), can only fight with daggers (though that dick in the book clearly has a staff!), and cannot wear Armor. I also, by virtue of my fatal accident prone-ness, stumble towards people attacking me in a way that improves their odds to hit me by 10%. I'll be standing in the back, thanks.

But to balance this, I get a spell. Yes, spell. Singular. My master puts one spell in my book and sends me out the door, clearly expecting an owl in the next few days with a note that says "He was no Harry Potter, here's his personal effects." Looking things over, I have no social skills so Charm Person might be fun. Floating Disc might be fun since it creates basically an invisible mule to carry my shit, not that Strength in OD&D affected Encumbrance. Light would be useful, Shield is a great choice, but nothing on this list is proactive-- Oh, who the hell am I kidding, I'm picking Magic Missile.

This little gem gives me a no to-hit roll magical sniper bolt that can hit anyone I can see instantly, causing 1d6+1 damage. As I can only carry a dagger, Damage d4-1 due to Strength, can't use ranged weapons, and if I threw my dagger would get a 10% penalty to hitting anyone because I'm comically afflicted with clumsiness, this is a great choice to be useful. Now, I could pick something that helps my friends, but I'm gonna bank on getting a Scroll of Read Languages or Shield before I inevitably die.

Did I mention I can only cast it once? Per day. And since in the book they suggest a paranoid protection of your spell book, saying “As you can see, there is seldom any use in taking a spell book on an adventure”, I can be expected to only use it once, and then I'm just some guy. I could be replaced by a Wand of Magic Missile and my party would be better off.

I am allowed to make some more decisions, like how I spend my 80 Gold pieces, but those require effort on my part. I would probably buy a silver dagger, since if you can only use one weapon ever, it might as well be the Rolls-Royce of daggers. I could also hire followers to do my dirty work in the dungeon, but due to my poor Charisma, there is a 58% chance they bail on me before every fight, coming back after the fight is over. I won't buy food or anything, as my adventures will last a maximum of one day and I intend to go home and relearn my spell every night (which takes an hour every morning because casting it makes me forget how to do it completely).

So, who wants to make a character and invite Moronkainen the Clumsy? I got high marks in Magic-Using, but you look like a jerk. Also, could you pick that up for me because I have a penalty to opening stuck doors. I'm helpful for common sense, but I can't adventure for long because I have an inhaler and often get the sniffles. For my final point, I would like to point out your friend is hot and I'd like to do her.

Awesome.

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